providential life


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yeah, He always dips us in deep waters

gifts in a broken box


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opened, and released.

economics in malls and the streets

there's something wrong with the parralelism of products in malls (a lot of them, be it a unique item or items of mass production ) waiting to be bought by a consumer on the spot and kids (lot of them - a LOT) starving and lacking quality education in their permanent settlement.

i'll think about it more.

delayed, but fast

man, God sure retaliates fast. well, in a good way.

it's been months since i last had a new pair of shoes, and its been months since i last wore one. seriously. i have this notion that shoes are too expensive, or rather, they are not really worth thier tags. i tried to ask my mom for a pair, but then again, finances are too strict for a pair and i just can't bring myself to buy one: my beloved friends have scarcely anything to eat, and the price of a pair of shoes could somehow make their walk bearable. rationally, what do i need a pair of shoes for if i already have slippers?

it's been two weeks since i first craved for Welch's grape jiuce. root it all to the Communion. man, i love pouring the grape juice into those little Communion cups, and the taste somehow reminds me of, hm, well, something i can't quite eloquate. i've been saving up, a deed that is by God's grace alone (before, it was impossible for me to withold a hundred pesos from the food counter). i planned to buy the 1.89 litre, worth P233.50. but then again, my friends, ponkan juice (the stale one) is already a treat for them. hm, what's with grape juice outside Communion?

i asked, and God answered.

it wasn't in the itinerary. at least, not in mine. the message in church was Grace. after church, we went to Greenhills to get my Ate's ailing phone fixed. we passed by through stalls selling allsorts of things, things that people really don't need but they think they do. i pointed to this shoes, just pointed, and my aunt said that she will buy me a pair. well, we bought another pair since they don't have my size. i have to check my principles when it comes to buying imitations, but in that particular case, there's no stopping my aunt from getting me a pair since she told me that she rarely sees me in shoes. well, principles unformulated, i am thanful, then, we went to the supermarket. yes, there was Welch, and he was on sale. and yes, my aunt paid for it.

man, God is surely fast when it comes to delivering simple wishes. He's happy doing this, i know, i can feel He is.

the point of this entry is, i guess, getting a deeper insight thru the delay of wishes - and getting your wishes anyways when you are mature enough because of the delay, but still, He delivers fast. God surely knows His tactics. Graceful. Guwapo.

and oh, my aunt who blessed me with a pair of shoes and a bottle of Welch, her name is, no kidding, Grace.

specks

you’re a cool person.

you have aspirations, dreams yet unconquered.
now, in this point of uncertainty, you just probably want to be liked by the people whom you adore. you just want to excel in your studies, being the best in class but not the most nerdy-obviously-racking-your-brains-out-grade-grabber student with glasses, no, you wear contacts; at the same time you go to the coolest parties by who you think are the coolest; get drunk with your coolest friends and your coolest friends’ friends; have someone who is cool enough to handle a cool relationship, be a the other-half of the coolest couple; you probably want to play the guitar or drums, know the ins and outs of the music stream, sing better or dance smoother, be adept in the arts, be able to draw, paint, sketch, take and develop your own photos, be able to read the coolest and weirdest books, be the coolest blogger, be a published writer while in your teens, be socially aware, fighting on the side of the deprived, be in the coolest and prominent orgs, be the perfect ideal person of the time.
rare, weird, social, liked, universal, perfect.

you’re a thinking person.

you look around, you read a lot, you interact a lot.
you easily recognize the faults, from the moment you wake up till infinity. you think: why is this world divided in two, the good and the evil, and there’s nothing in between? why do people cry because of pain and joy? why are the streetkids poor, you rich, and your cool friend richer, the most corrupt richest? why is communism utopian when ideally, it is beneficial for everybody? why can’t you oust a cheating president? why do people use the name of God to do evil? why is God, God? why so many gods? why so many religion with illogical rituals? why, is there a God? if there’s a God, then why is your mind raving with the faults, and none of the right? why is your family, in a sense, broken, when it was supposed to be from God? no, you think, God is just a defense of a resilient human mind, and weird enough, you think more, people’s mind tend to believe that there is a God, such is the power of the human mind. you are now enlightened, there is no God, you think.

you’re a hurting person.

get ready to be hurt, a lot.
there is a God, no matter what you think, and He exists, even without your approval. He can live without you, you think He’s begging you to believe Him, to be His follower. no, He doesn’t need you, really. you’re just a dot in the vastness of dots. your opinion and thinking won’t be heeded by three-fourth of the world’s population – you’re lucky if your family listens to you. you think you can make a difference, but really, you can’t make an eternal impact. you can’t make everyone like you, even the people you love. you can’t save anyone, helping is in vain. you may have everything, but really, what do you have? it’s nothing. you’ll live, have babies, and die. you’re hurt by these words. you think they’re not true. you think that the author is a bitter asshole. but then again, you think, aren’t we all? you’re scared. one way or another, you’re hurt. one way or another, it’s true. there’s a God, and you’re hurt because you just realized you are nothing.

there’s a God.
and He’s absolute, not because one-third of the world claims to ‘follow’ Him, but because He doesn’t need that one-third, or even a single human soul, to prove Him to be God. when the world turned against Him, we said that it’s His fault why we don’t believe – because we don’t see. but when He came down in the form of a human being for us to apprehend, we say that He could never be real, because He looks like us. but still, He loves.

the world has messed His image. that’s why you deny a God whom you don’t even know. for once, don’t think about what you and other people think. you’re a cool person. you’re a thinking person. you’re a hurting person.

He’s a loving God. He’s a God with a Godly wrath. He’s forgiving. He understands.

face Him. Doubt Him to His face. Ask Him your dangerous questions. God is a God who can handle the most destructive questions of a dot, a dot whom others think of as a speck, but He sees you as a beautiful picture.

think. do you want to?

lastly, you and I, both of us, we’re alike, we're dots.

organizing through organizers

the calendar's boxes
are days, blank
and vast, small but
never completely blocked

by schedules,
by dates,
by assignments,
by birthdays,
by classes,
by reports,

by could-have beens,
by should-have beens.

notice the
small
spaces
on the
s
i
d
e
s
.

blocked, never.
fulfilled, never.

the emptiness of
the boxes are draining when
it's not filled with
the unseen Spirit.


Hirap ng Kahirapan

Mahirap kumalinga. Mahirap maging Kristyano dahil hindi maiiwasang maging mapagkalinga sa kapwa. Mahirap ang maging Kristyanong hindi nangingialam, ang mabuhay nang wala naman talagang pakialam sa mga nangangailangan ng kalinga, habang higit sa kalahati ng mundo ay namamatay sa gutom, o sa giyera, o sa diskriminasyon, o sa kawalan ng pagkalinga ng mga taong tinatawag na mga Kristyano pero nabubuhay na lang nang wala naman talagang pakialam. Mahirap. Imposible.

Mahirap kumain ng carbonarra at roasted beef with mushroom gravy and mixed buttered veggies nang isang upuan habang nalalaman mong may isang pamilyang may 14 na miyembrong pinagsasaluan ang isang lata ng Argentina corned beef, yun maliit na lata, at huling butyl ng kaning linimos lang. Mahirap manuod ng sine kasama ang mga kaibigang Kristyano habang alam mong pinapatakbo ng mga satellite TV stations na wala nang ginawa kundi paasahin silang gginhawa ang buhay sa pamamagitan ng swertehan sa pagpili ng magic kahon - Ultra, nakamamatay. Mahirap mangarap na mag-aral ng second degree sa BS Business Economics sa kolehiyo habang may 11 taong gulang na batang hindi pa alam kung paano isulat ang buon pangalan niya. Mahirap tawanan ang joke ng isang kaibigan habang alam mong may mga batang tumatawa sa mga maduduming jokes na hindi naman dapat nila naririnig dahil yun ang naririnig nila sa mga nag-iinuman nilang mga magulang.

Mahirap mangako ng tulong, kahit gaano pa kalinis ang intensyon mo, kung hindi mo naman dadamdamin ang buhay nila, kung hindi mo aalamin ang hirap ng pagkakaroon pagkain nila, ang halaga ng piso para sa kanila, ang saya na idinudulot ng lapis sa kanila. Mahirap lang kung nababasa mo ang kahirapan, o nababalitaan sa kaibigan, o napapanood sa TV.
Mahirap maging mahirap. At mahirap maging Kristyanong walang puso para sa mga mahihirap.