Classes and Crosses

i'm amazed by how the image of the Cross can scare the Hell out of me.

there are days when school seems to be an illogical institution that advocates reason, with no concrete explanation of how it will help us when we're already dead. seriously, if it weren't for God,going to school will be irrational. fine, let me try.

a student goes to school to earn himself a bright future (whatever bright means and how bright it could get, who knows?). an intelligent or street smart college grad can get a car, a house, a dog, even a dozen electric peelers (for laziness's sake). he would live accordingly, have a family, send his kids to a good school, his kids would earn a degree, work, get a car, electric peelers - see, cyclic. so what's the point of the cycle if there's no God? just to live, have babies, and die? what's the point of happiness and sorrow when at the end of it all, everythig will be deemed worthless by in an atheist's world?

stretching further, what's wrong with killing anything or anyone if there is no God? it might be considered wrong in the eyes of everybody else's, but I bet Hitler and the rest of humanity's enemies have total confidence in themselves to not care about what others think.

no, there must be a God. and He wants me to go to school, finish, and then surprise.

there are days when i drag myself to each class, forgetting why i am there in the first place. there are days when i lsoe interest in my academic form of worship, and i sometimes think there is no God.

pardon and forgiveness, Lord.

but then again, the Crucified keeps me going, reminding me why I'm here, why my eyes hurt, and what He wants from me. He pushes me.

and right now I'm really being violently shoved for stubborness.

Lord, tutor me.

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