Blood is Bleeding


why do i always seek?
tendency is to look at who's there
forgetting 'bout who's not
finding someone who doesn't
want to be found is difficult-
does he know his lost in the first place?
i'm praying that blood might get his attention,
that ancestry might remind him of how
relationships in the family run
is it my fault or his?
did mistakes of the past taught him anything at all,
or is he still waiting for darkness to fall?
missing him is a sign that i still acknowledge the fact beyond the biological,
that he is more than the partition of flesh and blood
i'm still hoping, painstakingly praying
that he might be awaken by the Being
he has put to sleep in the darkest corners
what will come next - i am clueless,
for my brother is givng no more clues.
prodigal?i just pray that he'll come back.

Amen.

turning point in our lineage




"ayayayayayayay!", she exclaims as a puppy encircles her. it was her doing in the first place, a 20-month old dynamic baby will sucessfully lure a furry animal, especially with someone whose as beautiful as her. everytime i think of that chinky-eyed, milky baby, i can't help but wonder how God could have given us such an angel in the queerest way.

Addy,

you were suppose to be aborted - and I'm sorry for that. we were all confused back then. your mom was out of her wits, and your dad, well, i have no idea of how he was. we were feeble minded people who don't know how to deal with other people, especially those who come into this world unplanned. we were planning to get rid of you, dearest. we were planning to send you back to where you came from, without you even reaching your initial destination. i, as your mother's sister, can't do a sensible thing - except to cry and pray for you...which, I think, was answered.

i don't know why I'm telling you this now, but you are the most awesome miracle that happened to our lives so far. don't you know that your lola, even though she's being weakened by your infant demands, goes stronger everytime you hug her. don't you know that your lolo, although serious in some ways, gets in touch with his childish side everytime you play with him. don't you know that your mom, eventhough she's far away from you, is always inspired by the thought that you came from her. .. you have touched so many people, dearest, and writing about all of them will not matter because they express all their love for you always.

i don't want to imagine what would have happened if you were, uhm, murdered by our own doings. God stopped us, dear. the God who loves you dearly and the GOd who has raised you up will continue to reveal Himself to you. Go on, walk with Him.

i love you - and i miss you dearly. a lot will be said to you now that you're living - and i pray that you'll listen to them, to us, and to me.

Just Listen. :)

today went weird in the lab

man, "sharing" stirs my nerves to shake and fear the worst.
boss mark was cool - one of the rarest find in Catholic (prison-like, according to...) schools. his faith was refreshing and his God, worth loving. i was touched by how he viewed God as Someone who has been real all throughout his life. honestly, i wasn't able to share the whole of my side to him - 'coz there's nothing left to share and defy him with!cool individual, really. but what's cooler is - Jesus, our main Man.

so i "experimented" on how things will go, and there was the first lab rat. the "experiment" went well beyond hypothesis , and the result was backfired to I, the researcher, instead of the variable. if only all people were like the initial lab rat, open and honest with the heart of someone natural, then this vast laboratory that we're living in could be so much peaceful and more comprehendable.

if only like him, we know Him as someone who'll fix all our chemical spills for us, then maybe we won't fear authentic experiments anymore. if only we knew that broken pipets and beakers won't be charged against us, and that everything is fully paid by the blood of the Supreme Scientist who piereced Himself with a wooden cross, then maybe we won't have to fear to ask the questions that need answers. if only we will open our eyes and remove our guggles, find out why we're experimenting in the first place, and if our experiments are even worth our effort, then maybe we'll have time to breathe the oxygen of life. if we only knew that there's so much to life than being confined in a lab, blaming the Scientist for what went wrong because of our own doing and ask Him to save us from intoxication, then maybe we'll finally live.

if only we are brave enough to spread the formula of God's love, behind the principles and doctrines of the confusing religous system, the simplest words ever: that Jesus Christ loves us with all of Him. No scientific data can ever explain that mystery, unless the Scientist reveals it to us PERSONALLY. He goes one-on-one with His children... brave, let us be brave. for Jesus is more than our Scientist and our lab. He is our...everything...ours.

so, "lab rat", be brave and be bold about your God-given faith. t'was cool conversing with you, sir (and a blessed one at that). we're looking forward to times wherein we'll talk some more, only with people who are mystified by the Faith listening - so that, maybe by words that can stand ground and can touch lives, they'll know about the God whom we are clinging on to. and oh, be confident not by arrogance, that you'll dwell in Heaven. Believe, sir, just BELIEVE.

for your life is a Christ-determined experiment - play well. then maybe after, you'll finally fly.

(the pic was stolen from your "friendster". no copyright... :0 )

On the surface - Again

Not so long ago, I have struggled with UPd:it pained me, it wounded me and it made me want to die in a rather freaky sense. However, God used this cursed religion-hating school to make me realize one thing:I NEED TO LIVE...
Everything's new...a lot happened...but God prevailed.
Once my PC gets fixed, I'm going to explode in this space.
But for now, my brain cannot command my fingers to go on.