Delayed Attitude

Oh man, I'm definitely delayed. It's only now that I acquired the method of organization, thus, making me excited for studying - but too late. Classes are about to end, and I can't seem to review for my finals since the period of the worst sem has not ended yet. Worng mind set. But I know that I'll figure a way to cram the topics into my sleepy head, somehow...

But I'm excited- excited for this Summer Frisbee Clinic (which I thank God greatly for) and prepared for my second year in college. My mind set will be totally different, my focus totally concentrated and my Faith is ready to materialize from its silence. Molave will be a new haven for me. And I thank God He gave me a chance to redeem my academics .

Though, weird enough, this year is what I consider to be my best - amidst all the failures (total) , the pain, the tears and the moral it taught me. This hard sem polished me to be God's perfect tool. Though I wouldn't want it to repeat itself, it won't be totally forgotten. My gratitude to the mistakes I've made, fears I've entertained, exams I've flunked and classes I took for granted. Never again will I look at academics as something dragging and sulky. By God's grace, I will try with all my capabilities to use it for His glory.

Thank God for the pat failure - and future progress. No more delays!


Mummify Posted by Hello

"And She Was Gone" by Ginger Foutley

She chose to walk alone.
Though others wondered why.
Refused to look before her,
Kept eyes cast upwards,
Towards the sky.

She didn't have companions.
No need for earthly things.
Only wanted freedom,
From what she felt were puppet strings.

She longed to be a bird.
That she might fly away.
She pitied every blade of grass
For planted they would stay.

She longed to be a flame.
That brightly danced alone.
Felt jealous of the steam
That made the air its only home.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

Some say she wished too hard.
Some say she wished too long.
But we awoke one autumn day
To find that she was gone.

The trees, they say, stood witness.
The sky refused to tell.
But someone who had seen it
Said the story played out well.

She spread her arms out wide.
Breathed in the break of dawn.
She just let go of all she held...

And then she was gone.

From the episode "And She Was Gone"

*I really love this song; talks so much about
how I want to disappear - sometimes.

MoLaVe's CaLl

My decision to look for another habitat in this pollution-friendly environment is self-made: not that of my parents nor peers, just one hundred percent pure ME.

It's hard to live Eki all alone in her new pad. Well, she's everyone's ideal roommate:she'll lend you everything she possesses without grunting the moment you turn your back, she'll precede with any impulsive plan that doesn't make sense at all and she's NOT "bitchy" - definition is in the sense of the word and beyond. In fact, I'll miss Eki's pad - but not Eki. Heck, we'll see each other everyday!

So, the decision to "go Molave" is a self-disciplinary kind of act. I figured that I need to implement this "not-Goya-like" move to get where I'm suppose to be. I'm not the brainy type - the reason why I need to study more. My poor grades is no one's fault than my own, that's why I figured that I have the power to rectify it. I feel a certain kind of peace in my heart when I finalized this with my parents - and I know it's going to be the start of something extraordinary.

So, Molave, do accept me in thy roof - and I promise, I'll do what I came to. God be with us both.

"How JESUS Became CHRIST"

How should I know?

This world has a lot of questions:"why not Buddhism?";
"Where is God?"
"Is there really One?"
"If God exists, then why is this
happening to me?"
"Can I be my own god?"
"When will He come?"

Oh hell,
how should I know?
There comes a time when I'm afraid to ask questions;
because people might think that I'm too much of a fake;
The world seems to be an insignificant dot in this
vast blob of darkness - but how should I know?

People are brave enough to curse God tho His face
because they haven't seen Him yet -
- they doubt Him
- they lie about Him
- they claim to be unafraid of Him
- they get sick of Him
- they encourage others that
- they know where He's atand
- they think that He's nothing

Heaven, how should they know?

Does God tolerate this? It seems that He does
because if He doesn't, then why do they still breathe?
And others like them, trying to convince themselves
that they have proven God's absence

As for those who tries to prove He does exist -
with documents and the Qumran,
with arguments and debates,
with fossils and claims:
how did you know?

you make him appear to be a part of this world,
convincing yourselves that you're claims are true-
but deep inside your shells, the doubts are greater
and stronger, deadly and choking -

when will we realize that Jesus Christ is the only proof -
and God does the convincing.


I wonder when the time will come -
- when people would be convinced by God Himself
- and not by the people (us) who imperfectly bear
- His Name

I wonder when the clock will stop
- and let people take time to
- believe what is being whispered to them
- by Christ

I wonder when the earth will finaly stop
- and breathe the air that God breathes
- for knowing that God is someone who we can
- never comprehend

Then, again, how should I know?
I'm a voice drowned by the crowd's
cheer - a neophyte trying to
fit in the crowded stadium of
wannabe someones - why should
you listen to me?
your inner voice is louder than mine,
no one's voice is louder than yours.

but if you'd just hush up -
but who am I to tell?

God exists in my life,
Christ loves me - even for my doubts,
Holy Spirit is keeping me on line -

that I know.

Do you?


freeze-meh! Posted by Hello


God's Love Story Posted by Hello

Farewell, dear friend

This sem has been my worst - and "worst" means nothing else will compare. I have foreseen the consequence of my conscious laziness, and I did nothing to stop it. Again, I'm feeling that self-degrading hurt which I'm accustomed to feel - I know no other. I do pray that God will save my grades, my complacency got me elsewhere apart from Him. I do have faith, but I have no idea of how to act, none at all. Seventeen years of the same cyclic failure, redundancy of wounding myself, wanting to wave the white flag of cowardness...but no. I need to rise - again.

It's no longer about the smudge in my supposedly respectable classcard. No longer about the praises and the "you're one of a kind" boost-up. No longer about the average - even though I haven't actually felt what it's like to be "praised" in the first place (or rather, I have forgotten), the issue lies deeper than the facade of my future transcript records. It's about the process.

In my failure, God consoled me. In His eyes, I can still feel that I am worth something - how else would I have this peace in my heart if my exterior is suffocating me? In my failure, He loved me - no matter what I'll do, He will still be with me all throughout.

But alas,

farewell Failure.

I will never forget the lessons,
the reminders,
the bluffs and
the tears -

Farewell, Failure.
Gratified am I
for letting yourself
be used by God,
who loved us both -

Farewell, Failure.
We must part,
for I'm aware that
you will teach another
the process of being humble -

Farewell, Failure.
We might bump into
each other in the
near future. but
rest assured

that the lessons
are learned,
the values are lived,
and the God,
praise and loved.

But for now -

Farewell, Failure.


invisible ball
goya


wowa ko sa wikod
goya

The Prediction of My Fall

Convincing, the efforts are not
Deceiving, the conceited plot
I cry
I hope
I dream

However,
my world is
gradually fading
dim

Painful, the wounds that I inflict
Sacred, my scapegoat of being weak
I dream
I hope
I cry
However, the streams of
my desert
are consciously
running dry

Dumbfounded, situations are chronological
Accordance, to my redemption is whimsical
I cry
I dream
I hope

However, I had
landscaped
the hill to a
steeper slope

Sliding, I consciously summon
Hurting, but I will choose to hang on
I cry
I hope
I dream

I call


The prophecy of my upcoming Fall

from http://goyo.multiply.com

para kay Eki

salamat sa mga larawan,
sa mga tsokolateng nakapantataba,
sa mga kornyng hirit,
sa mga pautang na mahirap nang bayaran,
sa pagtitiis,
sa pagpapasensya,
sa pagbibigay -

Eki - todo talagang pasasalamat.


addy-pao
goya

to write is to fly

Letters and symbols appear as
I punch the board with
solitary quadrangles
Pretend that I can pun my
words for poetic effects
But lies are just on the tip
of my fingers
It's a liethat I can write
Deception of the eyes
that see words
Lies are all I have for now
Coz when lies are said

Words do fly

from http://goyo.multiply.com


eee-pilit
goya


me and my man
goya


wash me clean!
goya

now what?

I would love to write -
Release the thoughts
that my mind has long
imprisoned
But how, when, where?
Maybe yesterday, probably
tommorow...
I'm just waiting - the pen's stroke
will sway my destiny
- for my
world will change
today.