Farewell, dear friend

This sem has been my worst - and "worst" means nothing else will compare. I have foreseen the consequence of my conscious laziness, and I did nothing to stop it. Again, I'm feeling that self-degrading hurt which I'm accustomed to feel - I know no other. I do pray that God will save my grades, my complacency got me elsewhere apart from Him. I do have faith, but I have no idea of how to act, none at all. Seventeen years of the same cyclic failure, redundancy of wounding myself, wanting to wave the white flag of cowardness...but no. I need to rise - again.

It's no longer about the smudge in my supposedly respectable classcard. No longer about the praises and the "you're one of a kind" boost-up. No longer about the average - even though I haven't actually felt what it's like to be "praised" in the first place (or rather, I have forgotten), the issue lies deeper than the facade of my future transcript records. It's about the process.

In my failure, God consoled me. In His eyes, I can still feel that I am worth something - how else would I have this peace in my heart if my exterior is suffocating me? In my failure, He loved me - no matter what I'll do, He will still be with me all throughout.

But alas,

farewell Failure.

I will never forget the lessons,
the reminders,
the bluffs and
the tears -

Farewell, Failure.
Gratified am I
for letting yourself
be used by God,
who loved us both -

Farewell, Failure.
We must part,
for I'm aware that
you will teach another
the process of being humble -

Farewell, Failure.
We might bump into
each other in the
near future. but
rest assured

that the lessons
are learned,
the values are lived,
and the God,
praise and loved.

But for now -

Farewell, Failure.

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